D is for Dating

dat·ing
–verb
1. An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.
2. To go on dates.

Somehow at the age of 26 the majority of my friends are married or are in long term relationships. This made it a little difficult to think of someone who could write about dating in your 20s. I myself am certainly not an expert on this topic (in fact I’m kind of afraid of this topic). I sent out a few emails asking for who would best discuss this topic. I was pointed to Martini of Single + Cats = Sad. I actually had never read her blog before but my friend has brought her up in discussions many times. Sidenote: does it show how much our generation is impacted by blogs that when my friends and I get together “in real life” we discuss random blogs that we’ve read

So without further adu, I give you D is for Dating.

This guest post was written by Martini, a 27 year old single blogger who says “blogging is cheaper than a therapist”.

Oh my god, what does dating in your 20s mean? Just thinking about that question exhausts my brain.

I’m a 27-year-old single girl, and in order to cope with my last nine months of singledom, I think I’ve put a few vineyard owners’ children through college, if that’s any indication of my coping technique.

First off, almost everyone’s experienced the joyus hell that is dating in your 20s, unless of course you were that chick in my study hall that got married two days after high school. If so, I mean, god bless. How’s that working out for you?

But for the rest of us who have banned the word “settling” from our vocabularies, the search for that person that will perfectly compliment all of our neuroses for the rest of our life is ongoing. Welcome to dating. It’s not like it was in high school. Our standards have risen beyond “he’s cute” and “his dad’s car is sweet.”

As I tell my married friends, who seem to garner gleeful enjoyment from stories of crazies I meet as a single girl, it’s not being single that’s hard. Being single is great. I love being single. You don’t have to conceal your latest shoe purchases when you get home, your apartment is devoid of Star Wars figurines, and you’re always allowed to flirt.

Ah, yes, being single is fun. It’s dating that can literally drive you to the brink of insanity, mumbling to yourself at a bus stop about bees and spinning in circles like a hyper Chihuahua every time the phone rings.

I was in back-to-back committed relationships (I do heart monogamy) from age 19 until 26. So last year, when my 3 ½ year relationship fell apart, I found myself single for the first time since high school. Really, really single.

And since then, I’ve dated everything from a gay mormon virgin to a B-list celebrity with serious bi-polar issues. Trust me, it’s just as crazy as it sounds.

So what have I learned? I’ve learned that, as I type this three glasses of pinot in (and keep in mind it’s a Wednesday), and as a girl, no matter how many bad dates you have, it’s your girlfriends that matter most. The saying “hoes before bros” never made more sense to me.

You need your girls not just for moral support, but for a rational opinion when you’re faced with the decision on whether or not to date someone. Are they a douche? Your girlfriends will tell you straight up.

Regardless, dating is a hard. Don’t feel bad if you’re single and feel close to giving up on the whole thing. Just keep going because, let’s be honest, you don’t want to wind up 63 years old and surrounded by cats.

Be confident in yourself. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Play the game. Hold out for what you deserve. Let him come to you. And convince yourself you’re worth it.

And don’t be afraid to crack open a bottle of wine (or two) when things get too tough, consider lesbianiasm, lie to your parents about a fake boyfriend to get them off your back, sleep with the wrong person (or two) just for kicks and dress way sexier than you think you should sober.

The main lesson you should learn is that being single is always better than being stuck in a relationship with the wrong person.

Dating in your 20s should be fun. Because dating in your 30s is going to be way more serious. So enjoy this. Play with the boys. Make them beg for it. And always remember, everyone who’s married envies you. So enjoy that fact.

I can’t say that I agree that all of my married friends envy the crazy single life but I do know that they are quite entertained by the stories us single girls come up with.

20 thoughts on “D is for Dating”

  1. Ha, this post is hilarious! I should really be reading her!

    Although, I will point out that jsut because somebody gets married young (two days out of high school), does not at ALL mean they’re settling. Sure, sometimes it does, but most of the time I think they’re just lucky.

  5. i admit that i’m a serial monogamist so this topic is hard for me. while i enjoyed my short spurt of dating a bunch of guys at the same time, i much prefer the long-term relationship. crazy i know.

  6. My 20s (and the rest of my life for that matter) have been devoid of dating. But this post is motivational. I lay claim to not being a “douche”, but maybe I should hide those star wars figurines, ahha.

  7. Haha….ok, I have to disclaim that I wrote that entry after a few glasses of wine. Anyone surprised? It was a wonder I even stuck to the topic and didn’t digress into a story about my new shoes. Please go read my blog (www.planschange.blogspot.com) for the whole recap of how it went down yesterday.

    As such, for the record, I don’t think all married people are envious of the singles (thanks wine), and getting married at 18 isn’t “settling,” (I agree that they may be lucky ones!), I, too, prefer relationships to dating (by FAR!), and yes, LT Nixon, HIDE THEM.

    Thanks for letting me guest blog!

  8. I wrote a post about the joys of marrieds & singles & dating once, and my single readers commented about how the marrieds envied us single gals.
    And WOW, did I ever get backlash from the marrieds…
    Won’t be doing that again any time soon :P

  9. lol Ah yes, stories of the single life……they are hilarious and I do love being single, also. I feel as though, as fun as they are…I’ve got enough, wild/crazy/hilarious dating stories to last me a life time. Committed relationship, anyone?;o)

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  11. yeah I don’t know.. I think I actually hate dating.

    I did meet the love of my life and married him at 20. But after he passed away .. I don’t know

    I am single single for the first time in my life and after a few months of severe panic after that whole.. time … I’ve met enough reasons to consider a sperm donor later on in life

    Guys are great. I heart boy watching like the next girl. But I find that there are just so many complications..skeezy people too.. *eek*

    I love being pleasantly surprised by really good company though and its weird.. once I stopped thinking about it, its almost easier to find
    haha.. but then again, I don’t date right now at all so *shrugs*

    I’m sure from this little comment you know I must be submerged with personal issues that I am working through.

    but aside from all of that, being single and meeting/dating myself is .. its not as bad as I used to think it would be

    in fact, its great

    I’ll be sure to update a comment one day..when my No Men campaign has waned :) right now, I’ll just continue missing him all on my lonesome. Oh – no cats for me but I do have a dog :)

  12. To interject a tad bit of male opinion (and I will add that by and large my opinion does not reflect the general status-quo of male opinions). I think the truest part of the post was it’s better to be single than with the wrong person. At the same time, this post felt like it hinted to the ‘perfect someone’ and ‘settle syndrome’.

    Certainly no one should settle. The issue with considering the whole idea of ‘settling’, however, is (and I say this realizing I am not a hopeless romantic) that there isn’t that ‘perfect someone’. If you’re looking, you get caught in a cycle. Any and all relationships will take work. Granted, that doesn’t mean that every one is right. But my point is more of, to me, it is more romantic to go through the thick and thin with a person, knowing your past arguments, struggles, and frustrations (to mention the thick) than to bail thinking if such difficulties are present, you must be with the wrong person or settling. People are different by nature, which means love will never be easy. But if love were easy to begin with, I don’t think it would really be worthy of being called love.

  14. Simple solution: don’t date everyone from a “gay mormon virgin to a B-list celebrity with serious bi-polar issues”. Only date people who have a serious chance of being worthwhile. It works. :)

  15. (late to the game….)

    Settling is one of my biggest fears, so I am really picky. I love how you lied to your folks about a b/f. I don’t talk with my folks about that stuff, though the one time I mentioned something about a girl I was seeing….we broke up with her the next day, whoops. When my mom asked about her a couple days later…awkward!

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